Friends and Countrymen,
I know that you have missed me so much over the last month or so and I want to apologize for my extended absence. I have several ready made excuses for why I haven’t been actively blogging and I am sure that you will accept all of them at face value. For one thing, there hasn’t been anything going on in the world of sports. I mean other than the NBA playoffs, the NHL playoffs, the start of the MLB season, the return of Tiger Woods, the transgressions and subsequent suspension of Ben Roethlisberger (I did it! I spelled the damn thing), etc.
But screw all of that. I’m ready to talk about this NFL draft coming up tonight at 7: 27 on ESPN and NFL Network (shameless plug). I’ve probably seen just about every mock draft scenario on the internet and to be honest I am not that impressed. Not because I don’t think these guys have studied the players and don’t have inside knowledge of what these teams are thinking but simply because they are so wrong every year. Nobody can accurately predict the first round. For one, there are many trades and it is impossible to predict the trade possibilities in the 1st round. And once a trade goes down the whole thing goes haywire. Even if you negate the trade factor, these so-called “experts” still miss the mark by a mile.
And on that note I present to you the most accurate NFL mock draft in the history of NFL mock drafts! Barring any trades, this is pretty much how the 1st round will break down and I think many of you will be pleasantly surprised. I must warn you that if you are a big Jimmy Clausen fan then you may want to turn your head right about….now:
1. St. Louis Rams- QB Sam Bradford
This is an easy one. They can’t pass on another quarterback and this guy is the only sure fire top 10 quarterback. I would’ve personally taken Suh at this spot, and maybe get Pike in the 3rd but Bradford is the next best thing.
2. Detroit Lions- DT Ndamukong Suh
The best player in the draft easily, and a quicker, faster, and more motivated version of the ex-Lion Shaun Rogers. Will anchor the D-line for years.
3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers- DT Gerald McCoy
They’re hoping for the next Warren Sapp. They may not get that dynamic of a player, but he’ll stick around for a while. Think Tommie Harris.
4. Washington Redskins- OT Trent Williams
Many have Okung going in this spot, but Williams is the more athletic tackle and Shannahan can definitely coach this guy up. I don’t know how I feel about 3 Oklahoma players going in the top 4 though….oh well. Hook ‘Em!
5. Kansas City- S Eric Berry
When I think about the Kansas City Chiefs, I think about Miles Austin ripping threw their secondary, when they had a victory against the Dallas Cowboys pretty much sealed up. They need to get more physical and more athletic in the secondary, and Berry should be able to help them out in that department.
6. Seattle Seahawks- OT Russell Okung
They are extremely happy to get the most complete offensive tackle in the draft at this spot. Matt Hassleback has been getting banged up the last couple of years and it is time to invest in O-line after losing a couple over the last few years.
7. Cleveland Browns- WR Dez Bryant
Many question Bryant’s character and work ethic, but certainly not his talent. Cleveland needs a player that can make an immediate impact. People have been down on receivers as of late, but the emergence of Michael Crabtree may alleviate some of those fears.
8. Oakland Raiders- ILB Rolando McClain
I just have a hunch about this pick. Many say Jimmy Clausen here, and I could see that, but McClain just seems like a Raider and it would be one of their smarter picks over the last few years. It’s a reach, but it works.
9. Buffalo Bills- OT Bryan Bulaga
For alliterative reasons, I can almost guarantee this pick. Peep game…the “B”uffalo “B”ills lose OT “B”rad “B”utler to a career in politics, so they draft “B”ryan “B”ulaga as an immediate replacement. Get it? Well then take your ass back to English class, jerk!
10. Jacksonville Jaguars- RB CJ Spiller
The Jaguars got Aaron Kampman to update their pass rush and I’m not willing to say their ready to give up on their safeties just yet. Their most recent success was when they had a two headed monster in the backfield and they can’t let Spiller get by them. And this exciting tandem should put some fans in the seats…hopefully.
[Okay, there will only be sporadic analysis from this point on because most of these things are kind of obvious, and this thing is getting kind of long. If you really have a problem with my picks then leave a comment or you can just fight me- your choice.]
11. Denver Broncos- LB Sean Weatherspoon
Yes, this is a reach, but so was Knowshon Moreno in last year’s draft. I think Josh McDaniel has an idea of what type of player he wants to fill positions and he doesn’t care what others think. This guy is smart, physical, fast, and communicative player and I think McDaniel will take him…even over McClain.
12. Miami Dolphins- OLB Sergio Kindle
13. San Francisco 49ers- CB Joe Haden
14. Seattle Seahawks- DE Jason Pierre-Paul
15. New York Giants- DE Brandon Graham
They’re trying to get rid of diva Umenyiora, and get a lunch pail kind of guy in Graham.
16. Tennessee Titans- DE Derrick Morgan
17. San Francisco 49ers- G Mike Iupata
18. Pittsburg Steelers- CB Kyle Wilson
19. Atlanta Falcons- DE Carlos Dunlap
There are a lot of questions about Dunlap’s motor but there is no questioning his production. He brings a pedigree and athletic ability that Jamal Anderson just doesn’t have. Move Anderson to DT and watch the QB quiver.
20. Houston Texans- RB Ryan Matthews
21. Cincinnati Bengals- TE Jermaine Gresham
22. New England Patriots- DE/DT Jared Ordick
23. Green Bay Packers- OT Anthony Davis
24. Philadelphia Eagles- S Taylor Mays
Most people think I’m insane for putting Mays before Earl Thomas, but the Eagles play a different style defense where the strong safety has to play a linebacker role often times. Earl Thomas’ size scares them off. Let’s not forget that Mays was a top ten pick last year. And the Eagle’s don’t have problems making plays on the ball, they can’t tackle worth a shit and people are throwing the ball right over the middle. Mays can put a stop to that .
25. Baltimore Ravens- CB Devin McCortey
First round talent, and the Raven’s need to upgrade the secondary. Day one starter.
26. Arizona Cardinals- C Markice Pouncey
27. Dallas Cowboys- S Earl Thomas
The guy they’ve wanted all along falls to them at 27. Maybe wishful thinking, but I don’t think it’s out of the question. Watch what I tell ya hawse…
28. San Diego Chargers- DT Dan “Mount” Cody
29. New York Jets- DE Everson Griffin
30. Minnesota Vikings- DT Dan Williams
31. Indianaplis Colts- DT Brian Price
32. New Orleans Saints- LB Sean Lee
Immediately replacement for Scott Shanle. Smart, athletic, assiduous.
So that’s the end of that. Many of you will notice that I do not having Jimmy Clausen being selected in the 1st round. It’s not that I do not think he will go in the 1st round, but if everyone stays where they are, this should be the scenario. If Jimmy Clausen falls past 17, someone will trade into the 20s to select him.
I think the perfect fit for Mr. Clausen is the Oakland Raiders, and I would not be surprised if Al Davis made a move to get into the early 20s and picked this guy up. If nothing else Jimmy Clausen does have a little moxie (or “swagger” for you half-wits who insist on using that god-awful word) and the Raiders could use that at the position. Clearly Jamarcus Russell doesn’t give a shit about football, and this kid will knock Russell out of the league by week 8. He reminds me of Jeff Garcia. He’ll never be the most popular guy in the locker room, but he does love the game. Can’t you see it? Can’t you see Clausen slinging the ball for the bad-ass Raiders?
I’m sorry, got a little excited right there. Anyway, that’s my mock draft and I have a feeling that my predictions will be just as close McShay and that guy that looks like Bride of Frankenstein. I’ll be back next week with some post draft analysis and hopefully in a gloating mood.
CiaoKeywords: Jimmy Clausen, NFL Draft, Oakland Raiders, Taylor Mays
